On this rainy Christmas Eve with 'Missing You Finally' playing on my new iPod hi-fi, memories from the last Christmas flood my mind. Memories so sweet, memories that make me smile, memories so unforgettable ...
As my thoughts flutter and keep going back to the past, I want to give thanks and be grateful for all the things I have in life.
I am grateful for the people I have around me. My family and my friends. Thanks for being there for me.
I am grateful for the lessons life constantly throws at me. I guess life has been good to me, creating experiences for me to learn and to grow.
I am grateful for the opportunities that lie in front me. Exciting times are ahead ... squash, SingaporeMile, Ithakan ... I will brace myself to face these challenges.
I wish myself the best.
I wish her the best too. Choose well always.
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Musings: Nineteen Eighty-Four
“Julia”
No answer.
“Julia, are you awake?”
No answer. She was asleep. He shut the book, put it carefully on the floor …
There is only a handful of people whom I will have conversations on certain topics. With GJ, I tried to broach these topics on several occasions. Each time, I had the feeling that she was falling asleep on the other end of the line as I rattled on.
Disinterest? Different interest?
Disinterest. I just did not seem to be able to get her to understand what I was talking about and why those issues mattered to me.
“Who cares?” She said impatiently.
“… … she become bored and confused and said that she never paid any attention to that kind of thing.”
I wonder if the younger generations, including my own, are getting more indifferent to the world around them, not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what is happening and thus are just accepting what is put out in front of them.
Oceania was at war with Eastasia: Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
Are people’s memories really that short?
Afghanistan, Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, nuclear weapons, Saddam Hussein, terrorism, Iraq …
Can history really be so easily forgotten and then replaced or rewritten? Are people questioning less these days?
“Look at the condition you are in!” he said. “Look at this filthy grime all over your body … Look at your emaciation …”
He seized one of Winston’s remaining front teeth between his powerful thumb and forefinger. A twinge of pain shot through Winston’s jaw.
I winced. I felt nauseous and probably would have thrown up my breakfast if I had any that morning.
I wonder how much humiliation and degradation my body can take before my spirit breaks. I wonder how much torture and pain would be needed to make me surrender my thoughts. I wonder how easy it is to brainwash and manipulate my mind. How strong am ‘I’?
But yet in the first place, am I really thinking my own thoughts? Or have I been so conditioned that I am actually speaking what others are saying?
I wonder ... ...
I love myself.
No answer.
“Julia, are you awake?”
No answer. She was asleep. He shut the book, put it carefully on the floor …
There is only a handful of people whom I will have conversations on certain topics. With GJ, I tried to broach these topics on several occasions. Each time, I had the feeling that she was falling asleep on the other end of the line as I rattled on.
Disinterest? Different interest?
Disinterest. I just did not seem to be able to get her to understand what I was talking about and why those issues mattered to me.
“Who cares?” She said impatiently.
“… … she become bored and confused and said that she never paid any attention to that kind of thing.”
I wonder if the younger generations, including my own, are getting more indifferent to the world around them, not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what is happening and thus are just accepting what is put out in front of them.
Oceania was at war with Eastasia: Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
Are people’s memories really that short?
Afghanistan, Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, nuclear weapons, Saddam Hussein, terrorism, Iraq …
Can history really be so easily forgotten and then replaced or rewritten? Are people questioning less these days?
“Look at the condition you are in!” he said. “Look at this filthy grime all over your body … Look at your emaciation …”
He seized one of Winston’s remaining front teeth between his powerful thumb and forefinger. A twinge of pain shot through Winston’s jaw.
I winced. I felt nauseous and probably would have thrown up my breakfast if I had any that morning.
I wonder how much humiliation and degradation my body can take before my spirit breaks. I wonder how much torture and pain would be needed to make me surrender my thoughts. I wonder how easy it is to brainwash and manipulate my mind. How strong am ‘I’?
But yet in the first place, am I really thinking my own thoughts? Or have I been so conditioned that I am actually speaking what others are saying?
I wonder ... ...
I love myself.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The Harbours from Before: Just Snippets
Some memories from the good old Yio Chu Kang days ...
Heavyhands
Yup, that was how we got fit. We did heavyhands after every training session (there was training at YCK 4 times per week and RGS once) unless there was instructions for a 2.4 km run or 400m sprints. I definitely preferred heavyhands. We would gather in a court and start the 45 - 50 min aerobic workout where some crazy seniors would go at a maniac pace.
I guess I love the cool-down song most. With 'Together in Electric Dreams' playing, the entire group would go through a routine of energetic steps in a co-ordinated fashion, jumping and singing along. =)
Day Camps
We would have a 2 - 3 full days training camp every June and December. The day would start at 9 am with court runs, court runs and more court runs. And through the day, we would do all sorts of routines and drills. Training was surely tough but fun with its occasional perks. A $10 note lying in the deepest forehand corner for straight drives, a M&M dispenser right behind the box for cross-courts etc. Those were the nicest M&Ms I had ...
Lunch was kept simple ... chicken rice, duck rice or wanton mee ... I don't think there was much a change in menu over the years. However the best was always saved for the last! Yummy strawberries with whipped cream, yoghurt, bananas, chocolate, tarts from Olive Tree ... blueberries too, which did not go quite well with chicken rice. Yup, once I puked big time after the lethal combination. Guess I did not wash the blueberries clean. =(
Day camps always ended with a race between the guys and the gals. The most fun part of it was the gals always won! yah, we had some handicap ... i admit.
Court Runs
There was this period we were building our anaerobic capacity. We started with 8 sets of straight runs, 1 min each and slowly built up. The final showdown, I remember, was one Saturday at the West Coast courts. 18 sets, 1 min each. 9 sets, a 5 min break and then another 9 sets. Well, I think I spent my Sunday in bed.
Court 6
Court 6 was the most 'sacred' court. The best seniors only used this court and the juniors would tremble as we stepped into it. Well, it was one of the two glass courts then and it was 'the' central court where everybody would gather, watch the demos and receive instructions. And I guess all eyes were usually on this court. While we were not in court, we would be outside this one watching the seniors train. As a junior, there was a mixture of fear and pride when given the chance to play in there.
As I went on to be a senior ... well, it was like it's the seniors' court! Do not come near. Yup, we hogged it like the previous batches. Not that Ansari was pleased with that.
Playing Doubles
The gals I trained with contributed to the wonderful times as well. Weiwei, Minmin, Yanjun, Liling, Chinwee ... We always had fun playing doubles in a single court. The stake was usually a can of 100 plus ... On many occasions, we ended up rolling on the floor, laughing over some stupid shots.
We had a doubles tournament once. It was a great experience! For once, we played doubles on an actual doubles court. I guess the most fun part of the tournament was the mulling over our attire to ensure that each pair would wear the exact same thing from head to toe, and not clash with the rest. Luckily we had plenty of common Head shirts and shorts. I remember Yanjun and Liling with their pink ribbons in an effort to look different ... Well, it was just too silly looking. Haha.
Yah, I do miss those times.
Too bad, none of them are playing now.
The Ride Home
Chinwee, Yanjun, Liling and I were staying very near to each other. We would take the train and then 190 home after each YCK session. Stinky, dirty and tired, we would clamour onto the train, throw our huge squash bags in one corner and then occupy the area besides a door. Gosh, what a din we usually made. Chatting and laughing away ... RGS always had complaints about the girls misbehaving in the public and I guess our rowdy behaviour then did deserve some letters to the principal. Ha, but we were smart to be in our Head t-shirts instead of school uniform. ;-)
Heavyhands
Yup, that was how we got fit. We did heavyhands after every training session (there was training at YCK 4 times per week and RGS once) unless there was instructions for a 2.4 km run or 400m sprints. I definitely preferred heavyhands. We would gather in a court and start the 45 - 50 min aerobic workout where some crazy seniors would go at a maniac pace.
I guess I love the cool-down song most. With 'Together in Electric Dreams' playing, the entire group would go through a routine of energetic steps in a co-ordinated fashion, jumping and singing along. =)
Day Camps
We would have a 2 - 3 full days training camp every June and December. The day would start at 9 am with court runs, court runs and more court runs. And through the day, we would do all sorts of routines and drills. Training was surely tough but fun with its occasional perks. A $10 note lying in the deepest forehand corner for straight drives, a M&M dispenser right behind the box for cross-courts etc. Those were the nicest M&Ms I had ...
Lunch was kept simple ... chicken rice, duck rice or wanton mee ... I don't think there was much a change in menu over the years. However the best was always saved for the last! Yummy strawberries with whipped cream, yoghurt, bananas, chocolate, tarts from Olive Tree ... blueberries too, which did not go quite well with chicken rice. Yup, once I puked big time after the lethal combination. Guess I did not wash the blueberries clean. =(
Day camps always ended with a race between the guys and the gals. The most fun part of it was the gals always won! yah, we had some handicap ... i admit.
Court Runs
There was this period we were building our anaerobic capacity. We started with 8 sets of straight runs, 1 min each and slowly built up. The final showdown, I remember, was one Saturday at the West Coast courts. 18 sets, 1 min each. 9 sets, a 5 min break and then another 9 sets. Well, I think I spent my Sunday in bed.
Court 6
Court 6 was the most 'sacred' court. The best seniors only used this court and the juniors would tremble as we stepped into it. Well, it was one of the two glass courts then and it was 'the' central court where everybody would gather, watch the demos and receive instructions. And I guess all eyes were usually on this court. While we were not in court, we would be outside this one watching the seniors train. As a junior, there was a mixture of fear and pride when given the chance to play in there.
As I went on to be a senior ... well, it was like it's the seniors' court! Do not come near. Yup, we hogged it like the previous batches. Not that Ansari was pleased with that.
Playing Doubles
The gals I trained with contributed to the wonderful times as well. Weiwei, Minmin, Yanjun, Liling, Chinwee ... We always had fun playing doubles in a single court. The stake was usually a can of 100 plus ... On many occasions, we ended up rolling on the floor, laughing over some stupid shots.
We had a doubles tournament once. It was a great experience! For once, we played doubles on an actual doubles court. I guess the most fun part of the tournament was the mulling over our attire to ensure that each pair would wear the exact same thing from head to toe, and not clash with the rest. Luckily we had plenty of common Head shirts and shorts. I remember Yanjun and Liling with their pink ribbons in an effort to look different ... Well, it was just too silly looking. Haha.
Yah, I do miss those times.
Too bad, none of them are playing now.
The Ride Home
Chinwee, Yanjun, Liling and I were staying very near to each other. We would take the train and then 190 home after each YCK session. Stinky, dirty and tired, we would clamour onto the train, throw our huge squash bags in one corner and then occupy the area besides a door. Gosh, what a din we usually made. Chatting and laughing away ... RGS always had complaints about the girls misbehaving in the public and I guess our rowdy behaviour then did deserve some letters to the principal. Ha, but we were smart to be in our Head t-shirts instead of school uniform. ;-)
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Targets 1 Oct 2006
1) To play competitively again in 6 months.
2) Be No 1 in Singapore in 18 months (31/3/2008).
This, or something better,
now manifests for me
in totally satisfying and harmonious ways,
for the highest good of all concerned.
2) Be No 1 in Singapore in 18 months (31/3/2008).
This, or something better,
now manifests for me
in totally satisfying and harmonious ways,
for the highest good of all concerned.
Monday, August 14, 2006
The Harbours from Before: Getting Hooked
As I had Buckle House Practice (c is for noun, s is for verb) on Tuesdays, I could not join the Tuesday group of Sec Ones for training in RGS. Instead I started off at Yio Chu Kang. The squash centre had 10 courts of which we usually had 5. Court 5 to Court 9, with Court 6 being the 'central' court where the seniors (Jasmine, Wah Siew, Huishan, Joanne etc ...) would be ferociously hammering the ball away.
So starting once a week, I would make my way down to YCK after school. Had to take 105 and then change to the train at Toa Payoh. Training started around 3 pm with a compulsory 500 skips. Anyone who forgot her rope would have to pay a fine or do a more vigorous warm-up.
The first few exercises included swinging the racket from ear to ear while desperately listening out for a swish sound, and hitting the ball continuously 1 m away from the wall. I guess I spent more time chasing the ball around the court then. Yup, I was no talent. Either missed the ball completely or hit it out of control. However as I managed to hit the ball more often, I felt very encouraged to play more. It was fun. One week I did 4, the next I did 6 and I looked forward to the next week whereby I could do 10!
There was always room for improvement. After I did 10 continuous straight shots, I would move further away from the wall and start the count from 1 again ... When I hit 10 once more, I would take another step back again. The incremental improvement kept me coming back. Practice sessions increased from once per week to twice and before I knew, I was down at YCK three times per week even as a Sec One. It was addictive in a very fulfilling way.
Soon I was hitting from the short line, then from behind the box and finally, I was attempting to take the ball off the backwall. Each day, as I watched my seniors in Court 6, I felt an increasing sense of excitement. I was motivated to train and get myself to the level where I would be able to hit the ball like them. Crack!
So starting once a week, I would make my way down to YCK after school. Had to take 105 and then change to the train at Toa Payoh. Training started around 3 pm with a compulsory 500 skips. Anyone who forgot her rope would have to pay a fine or do a more vigorous warm-up.
The first few exercises included swinging the racket from ear to ear while desperately listening out for a swish sound, and hitting the ball continuously 1 m away from the wall. I guess I spent more time chasing the ball around the court then. Yup, I was no talent. Either missed the ball completely or hit it out of control. However as I managed to hit the ball more often, I felt very encouraged to play more. It was fun. One week I did 4, the next I did 6 and I looked forward to the next week whereby I could do 10!
There was always room for improvement. After I did 10 continuous straight shots, I would move further away from the wall and start the count from 1 again ... When I hit 10 once more, I would take another step back again. The incremental improvement kept me coming back. Practice sessions increased from once per week to twice and before I knew, I was down at YCK three times per week even as a Sec One. It was addictive in a very fulfilling way.
Soon I was hitting from the short line, then from behind the box and finally, I was attempting to take the ball off the backwall. Each day, as I watched my seniors in Court 6, I felt an increasing sense of excitement. I was motivated to train and get myself to the level where I would be able to hit the ball like them. Crack!
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The Harbours from Before: Stumbling upon Squash
It was by some chance that I joined squash as an ECA in Sec One. However as Ansari says, nothing happens by chance or by luck. Hmmmm ... ... ...
I remember how dejected I was when I was not accepted into the RGS basketball training squad. They had their trials within the first month of the new school year. There was no training sessions at all. During the trials, one had to do dribbling, passing and basic lay-ups. I got through the first round and during the second round, I recalled not being able to get the ball into the basket quite a number of times. Bad misses ... though I did not think that was a good reflection of my potential for the sport. But as it turned out, I was not amongst the 20 or so Sec Ones the basketball seniors selected. The alternative they provided for those still keen on basketball was to join the Basketball Club in their weekly training.
Maybe I would have taken that alternative if Jialu had not asked me a few days later to join squash. Well, I had no idea back then what the heck squash was, really. I had not seen a squash racket, a squash ball or a squash court. In fact I had not even heard about the sport (perhaps because it was supposed to be dying). Being at a loss of what I should choose as an ECA, I thought I should just give it a try. Squash did not have selections of any sort. At the same time, Ruth asked me to join Chess Club. I went along too, without knowing how to play International Chess. Chess too, did not have selections at such an early stage.
At the end of 4 years, I left RGS as the best Squash player and one of the top Chess players in my batch. I won a number of individual squash titles, 2 National Schools Squash Championships (at times, I still think about the one I lost in Sec Two with a tinge of sadness) and 2 National Schools Chess Championships. I was captain of the Squash team and vice-chairman of the Chess Club. In fact I was voted chairman but decided to give it up as I was much more into Squash and was concerned about the amount of attention I was able to give Chess. For these achievements, I was awarded the Rafflesian Award for excellence in ECAs.
Thinking back, I wondered how life would have been if I had got into the basketball training squad. I wondered how things would have turned if Jialu had not asked me along. And what would have happened if I had not agreed to tag along?!?!
Is there such a thing as luck? Or had I brought myself upon the path I created for myself?
Whatever the case, I am glad that squash had no selections and took in rejects from other sports. Hahaha.
And I am empathetic towards those who cannot join a sport or ECA of their choice because many schools nowadays select only those they view have good potential to join certain ECAs. Those who are not looked upon as athletic are just assigned ECAs they may be totally disinterested in. I have heard about such a common practise from various sources. This deprives many students from doing something they enjoy, something that they could eventually excel in because they want to.
Imagine if I was put into Chinese Calligraphy ...
I remember how dejected I was when I was not accepted into the RGS basketball training squad. They had their trials within the first month of the new school year. There was no training sessions at all. During the trials, one had to do dribbling, passing and basic lay-ups. I got through the first round and during the second round, I recalled not being able to get the ball into the basket quite a number of times. Bad misses ... though I did not think that was a good reflection of my potential for the sport. But as it turned out, I was not amongst the 20 or so Sec Ones the basketball seniors selected. The alternative they provided for those still keen on basketball was to join the Basketball Club in their weekly training.
Maybe I would have taken that alternative if Jialu had not asked me a few days later to join squash. Well, I had no idea back then what the heck squash was, really. I had not seen a squash racket, a squash ball or a squash court. In fact I had not even heard about the sport (perhaps because it was supposed to be dying). Being at a loss of what I should choose as an ECA, I thought I should just give it a try. Squash did not have selections of any sort. At the same time, Ruth asked me to join Chess Club. I went along too, without knowing how to play International Chess. Chess too, did not have selections at such an early stage.
At the end of 4 years, I left RGS as the best Squash player and one of the top Chess players in my batch. I won a number of individual squash titles, 2 National Schools Squash Championships (at times, I still think about the one I lost in Sec Two with a tinge of sadness) and 2 National Schools Chess Championships. I was captain of the Squash team and vice-chairman of the Chess Club. In fact I was voted chairman but decided to give it up as I was much more into Squash and was concerned about the amount of attention I was able to give Chess. For these achievements, I was awarded the Rafflesian Award for excellence in ECAs.
Thinking back, I wondered how life would have been if I had got into the basketball training squad. I wondered how things would have turned if Jialu had not asked me along. And what would have happened if I had not agreed to tag along?!?!
Is there such a thing as luck? Or had I brought myself upon the path I created for myself?
Whatever the case, I am glad that squash had no selections and took in rejects from other sports. Hahaha.
And I am empathetic towards those who cannot join a sport or ECA of their choice because many schools nowadays select only those they view have good potential to join certain ECAs. Those who are not looked upon as athletic are just assigned ECAs they may be totally disinterested in. I have heard about such a common practise from various sources. This deprives many students from doing something they enjoy, something that they could eventually excel in because they want to.
Imagine if I was put into Chinese Calligraphy ...
National Day Post
Training was at 9 am this morning at Northvale. Ansari, Wah Siew, Huishan, Yiqing, Tun and Beng Soon were there. It was great fun ... Even Ansari went into court, for a few minutes ;) ... Really enjoyed being able to do the boast-drive routines. Three Cheers to this great session! Three Cheers for more such sessions to come!
Just 2 days before this, on the way back home from heavyhands, Yiqing was talking about her batch and their experience in National Schools Championships. She wondered if her team could come together again one day to win something ... It was not difficult to sense her regrets in not having won a single National Schools title. In fact I totally understand how she feels ... To want to achieve something really badly, to have put in so much effort ... just to have the taste of victory deluding you again and again ...
However does one stop there and live with the regrets? With the thought that maybe if I had just persevered that bit more, I would have made it?
I am almost 25. Some people may say that it is a bit old to achieve anything great in sports.
I am kind of unfit now and will need much work to get back to shape. Some people may say I should not bother at all.
I have a full time job that at times really saps me of all my energy. Some people may say that I should just focus on building my career. Sports has no future in it.
But do I want to live with that lingering thought that if I had tried one more time, I would have made it?
I have made that conscious choice to continue with the journey. Simply because I can.
In the spirit of SingaporeMile ...
As an Ithakan ...
Just 2 days before this, on the way back home from heavyhands, Yiqing was talking about her batch and their experience in National Schools Championships. She wondered if her team could come together again one day to win something ... It was not difficult to sense her regrets in not having won a single National Schools title. In fact I totally understand how she feels ... To want to achieve something really badly, to have put in so much effort ... just to have the taste of victory deluding you again and again ...
However does one stop there and live with the regrets? With the thought that maybe if I had just persevered that bit more, I would have made it?
I am almost 25. Some people may say that it is a bit old to achieve anything great in sports.
I am kind of unfit now and will need much work to get back to shape. Some people may say I should not bother at all.
I have a full time job that at times really saps me of all my energy. Some people may say that I should just focus on building my career. Sports has no future in it.
But do I want to live with that lingering thought that if I had tried one more time, I would have made it?
I have made that conscious choice to continue with the journey. Simply because I can.
In the spirit of SingaporeMile ...
As an Ithakan ...
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I am speed
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I AM SPEED.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
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I am speed.
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I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I am speed.
I AM SPEED.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
The Harbours from Before: Preface
I have been wondering what I should put up on my blog. Yes, I have meant it to capture my experiences as I start playing squash again. However things seem to be moving slower than I would like and I am afraid one entry will sound too much like the last.
Thus I thought of recounting my past experiences here for several reasons.
1) I just want something to write about.
2) I hope that in reflecting my past experiences, I can take a deeper look into why I started on this journey and thus find strength to continue ...
3) I believe I have a story to tell. Nope, I am not a jaded traveller whom has seen it all. I am simply a young Singaporean who faces similiar issues as most students/teenagers/young adults out there. By sharing my experience, I hope to find like-minded people who can walk the path with me as well as motivate some to walk on.
4) I picked up squash in 1994, more than 12 years ago. It has given me some of my happiest and saddest moments. I would like to capture it while I feel it is important to.
But well, this is my story. I will recount it the way I saw it. Afterall, it is my reality ...
Cheers ...
Thus I thought of recounting my past experiences here for several reasons.
1) I just want something to write about.
2) I hope that in reflecting my past experiences, I can take a deeper look into why I started on this journey and thus find strength to continue ...
3) I believe I have a story to tell. Nope, I am not a jaded traveller whom has seen it all. I am simply a young Singaporean who faces similiar issues as most students/teenagers/young adults out there. By sharing my experience, I hope to find like-minded people who can walk the path with me as well as motivate some to walk on.
4) I picked up squash in 1994, more than 12 years ago. It has given me some of my happiest and saddest moments. I would like to capture it while I feel it is important to.
But well, this is my story. I will recount it the way I saw it. Afterall, it is my reality ...
Cheers ...
Monday, May 15, 2006
Post Match Ramblings 130506
Another Saturday training at NEA. Nasir was down for the second time and he brought another player, Idrus, along. Did not get to play with Idrus as I was simply too tired after my matches with Nasir and Tun.
The final score with Nasir was 2-1 (9-3, 7-9, 9-6). In the first game, I was still fresh and alert. Managed to get to the ball early and had an idea where I wanted the ball to go. Even though many of the shots did not go as tight as I wanted them, the ball did fall within a reasonable range and I felt a certain level of control. By keeping focused and relaxed, I placed the ball well enough to allow me to win the first game quite easily.
In the second game, I was leading 4-1. Took the lead because I played the way I did in the first and kept the game simple. But somehow at 4-1, there was a slip in focus and I made a couple of mistakes. That increased the level of anxiety and fatigue (or maybe just the perception of fatigue) set in. I was slower on the ball and started just hitting anywhere. The placing and accuracy of the shots went down. Was not hunting the shots. I also dropped 4 points by hitting the ball down on the backhand return. In a short while, I found myself 4-8 down. Did get back the serve on game ball and after getting myself more focused, I got the next 3 points. However anxiety and fatigue still got the better of me and I lost 9-7.
In the third game, Nasir played much more to the front and was cutting off every other shot. In a way, my loose shots gave him those opportunities. I got kind of irritated as I found myself not able to move fast to the front and hit the ball back tightly. Very quickly, I was 1-4 down. I supposed I would have lost the game if I had continued playing at such an anxious level. However at one point, I managed to tell myself to play one point at the time and always keep to the simple basic game. Yes, I was tired but if I were to play the right shot, I would be able to give myself time. The game improved as I got back my focus and rallied with him more. But of course, there were still many situations where I did not capitalize on my advantage and sometimes even lost the rally off a loose shot. I remembered hitting into the tin twice on the backhand when the ball was sitting up loose at half court. Oh well ... Despite being tired and making silly mistakes here and there, I told myself one rally at a time, focused on getting to the ball early and playing the right shots. I was more forgiving when I made an error and just went on to the next rally. Slowly I caught up to 6-6 and eventually won 9-6 when he made the last three errors.
I enjoyed this game. Have not played like this for a while. Yes, there is still a long way to go .... I can play at a much higher level ... but I suppose as I play these matches, I learn to accept myself at the state I am currently at. Not that I do not strive to improve, in fact I see myself being much better. Just that instead of thinking about how much better I used to be and getting frustrated over what I am not able to do for now, I focus on what I can do, do it well and make incremental improvements by the day, by the week =)
The final score with Nasir was 2-1 (9-3, 7-9, 9-6). In the first game, I was still fresh and alert. Managed to get to the ball early and had an idea where I wanted the ball to go. Even though many of the shots did not go as tight as I wanted them, the ball did fall within a reasonable range and I felt a certain level of control. By keeping focused and relaxed, I placed the ball well enough to allow me to win the first game quite easily.
In the second game, I was leading 4-1. Took the lead because I played the way I did in the first and kept the game simple. But somehow at 4-1, there was a slip in focus and I made a couple of mistakes. That increased the level of anxiety and fatigue (or maybe just the perception of fatigue) set in. I was slower on the ball and started just hitting anywhere. The placing and accuracy of the shots went down. Was not hunting the shots. I also dropped 4 points by hitting the ball down on the backhand return. In a short while, I found myself 4-8 down. Did get back the serve on game ball and after getting myself more focused, I got the next 3 points. However anxiety and fatigue still got the better of me and I lost 9-7.
In the third game, Nasir played much more to the front and was cutting off every other shot. In a way, my loose shots gave him those opportunities. I got kind of irritated as I found myself not able to move fast to the front and hit the ball back tightly. Very quickly, I was 1-4 down. I supposed I would have lost the game if I had continued playing at such an anxious level. However at one point, I managed to tell myself to play one point at the time and always keep to the simple basic game. Yes, I was tired but if I were to play the right shot, I would be able to give myself time. The game improved as I got back my focus and rallied with him more. But of course, there were still many situations where I did not capitalize on my advantage and sometimes even lost the rally off a loose shot. I remembered hitting into the tin twice on the backhand when the ball was sitting up loose at half court. Oh well ... Despite being tired and making silly mistakes here and there, I told myself one rally at a time, focused on getting to the ball early and playing the right shots. I was more forgiving when I made an error and just went on to the next rally. Slowly I caught up to 6-6 and eventually won 9-6 when he made the last three errors.
I enjoyed this game. Have not played like this for a while. Yes, there is still a long way to go .... I can play at a much higher level ... but I suppose as I play these matches, I learn to accept myself at the state I am currently at. Not that I do not strive to improve, in fact I see myself being much better. Just that instead of thinking about how much better I used to be and getting frustrated over what I am not able to do for now, I focus on what I can do, do it well and make incremental improvements by the day, by the week =)
Friday, April 28, 2006
For the next 7 weeks
I will keep to my discipline.
Monday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
12:00 pm - Gym
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Tuesday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
7:15 pm - Squash and court runs
10:30 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Wednesday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
5:30 pm - My weekly jog with colleagues
7:30 pm - Go Gym
9:30 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Thursday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Friday
6:30 am - Get out of bed, go for morning jog and do 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Rest and Relax (or play squash w JTC pple on alternate weeks)
11:30 pm - Reach home
12:00 am - 15 min QT, sleep
Saturday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, go for morning jog and do 15 min QT
9:3o am - SMile Meeting at Bishan
2:00 pm - Squash at NEA and court runs
4:30 pm - Rest and Relax
11:00 pm - 30 min QT, sleep
Sunday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 15 min QT
8:30 am - A Sunday Run
10:30 am - Rest and Relax
11:00 pm - 30 min QT, sleep
Let's go. :) 28 April 2006 to 15 June 2006
Monday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
12:00 pm - Gym
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Tuesday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
7:15 pm - Squash and court runs
10:30 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Wednesday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
5:30 pm - My weekly jog with colleagues
7:30 pm - Go Gym
9:30 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Thursday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 30 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
11:30 pm - 15 min QT, sleep
Friday
6:30 am - Get out of bed, go for morning jog and do 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Rest and Relax (or play squash w JTC pple on alternate weeks)
11:30 pm - Reach home
12:00 am - 15 min QT, sleep
Saturday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, go for morning jog and do 15 min QT
9:3o am - SMile Meeting at Bishan
2:00 pm - Squash at NEA and court runs
4:30 pm - Rest and Relax
11:00 pm - 30 min QT, sleep
Sunday
7:00 am - Get out of bed, do 15 min QT
8:30 am - A Sunday Run
10:30 am - Rest and Relax
11:00 pm - 30 min QT, sleep
Let's go. :) 28 April 2006 to 15 June 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
A Typical Week
Monday
7:15 am - Crawl out of bed, do 10 - 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:15 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
12:30 am - Sleep
Tuesday
7:15 am - Crawl out of bed, do 10 - 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
7:15 pm - Squash
10:30 pm - Reach home
12:30 am - Sleep
Wednesday
7:15 am - Crawl out of bed, do 10 - 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
5:30 pm - My weekly jog with colleagues
7:30 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Rest and Relax
11:30 pm - Reach home
12:30 am - Sleep
Thursday
7:15 am - Crawl out of bed, do 10 - 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:15 pm - Heavyhands
10:45 pm - Reach home
12:30 am - Sleep
Friday
7:15 am - Crawl out of bed, do 10 - 15 min QT
8:00 am - Go work
7:00 pm - Get off work
8:00 pm - Rest and Relax
11:30 pm - Reach home
12:30 am - Sleep
Saturday
9:3o am - SMile Meeting at Bishan
2:00 pm - Squash at NEA
4:30 pm - Rest and Relax
Sunday
8:30 am - A Sunday Run
10:30 am - Rest and Relax
Well ... let's up the intensity and do a bit more ...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
And we thought we got it going ...
11 April 2006, 11 am
We were just talking about things finally taking shape after a few months. We were discussing the formation of a Premier Ladies' team or a C Grade Men's team for the next year.
I was looking forward to have everyone back and start training seriously again. I had the image of everyone pushing hard and having fun. I felt myself getting fitter, moving lighter and getting back to the zone …
We were just talking about things finally taking shape after a few months. We were discussing the formation of a Premier Ladies' team or a C Grade Men's team for the next year.
I was looking forward to have everyone back and start training seriously again. I had the image of everyone pushing hard and having fun. I felt myself getting fitter, moving lighter and getting back to the zone …
11 April 2006, 5 pm
I got a call saying that no one could make it down that night. I trained alone ... I had 2 courts for 2 hours to myself ... How great.
13 April 2006, 9:30 pm
What luck, my most dedicated Saturday squash kaki hurt his leg. It was probably best for him to rest. I messaged the rest ... They could not make it either. Another training session on my own!?
Disappointment and irritation enveloped me.
What a great way to start off the holiday weekend ...
15 April 2006, 12 pm
That negative feeling came back and weighed heavily on the heart ... I felt like going off and take a breather at the beach.
It did not make sense to me. I wondered why they could not play. It just needed 2 hours. It just needed that bit of commitment. It just needed the prioritization. And it is something much more fun, meaningful and can be so energizing.
Well, breathe .... take a deep breath and let it go.
Yup, walk on ...
Friday, March 10, 2006
Excerpts from an email
I am happy that you are still pursuing something to expand beyond your boundaries. As we all have different points of motivation, it is only when we are stripped of grids and brambles that we would feel naked and venerable. It is then when we understand the smallness of humanity and the vastness of the universe. Walk on. There will be many moments which nothing makes sense .... those would be the most painful chapters. But just walk on .... when it comes to a point which you have to let go.... remember to listen to the little voice then. Nobody would be able to tell you what to do ... life is not only about learning but living it. Live life.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Responding to one particular feedback ...
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann
2 min? 3 min? 4 min? or 5 min?
Ha! It has been a long time since I have a session like today's. It was cool and I enjoyed myself. I look forward to the many more sessions that we will have.
Hmm, I wonder when was the last time Siew, Huishan and I trained on the same court. Yio Chu Kang days? My JC days? Gosh, it has been that long ago ... It is fun to play with them again and it is certainly exciting to think about how much better we can become ... :)
Cheers!
Hmm, I wonder when was the last time Siew, Huishan and I trained on the same court. Yio Chu Kang days? My JC days? Gosh, it has been that long ago ... It is fun to play with them again and it is certainly exciting to think about how much better we can become ... :)
Cheers!
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Setting out ...
I wrote this mail on 1 Feb and then went down with a bad flu. Have fully recovered now ... Time to go! And have fun ... =)
___________________________________________________________________
It has been 2.5 years since I have left for the States and I have asked myself constantly what I have really achieved during this time. I have done a lot of things, but what exactly have I achieved?
I have also asked myself where I see myself in 5, 10 years' time. It is a question I really hate answering, esp during interviews ... I mean who the hell knows what would happen so many years down the road. But yet during the recent Strategic Thinking Paper session w Prof Tom K, he reaffirmed the facts that you create your own future and only you can decide if your choices will bring you happiness.
I thought about I want to achieve in the next 5, 10 years ... Earn $10k per month? Reach some really high up position somewhere? Own a car? A house? Find that special someone?
But where does my passion lie? What choices will bring me happiness? Eventually I came back to sports, to playing squash as one of the answers.
I have decided to continue this path for several reasons ...
1) Squash is fun. I really enjoy playing this game very much.
2) I want to be on a pursuit for excellence and do something really well. Squash is the chosen vehicle and I believe it is a worthwhile pursuit.
3) I have set certain targets previously, targets that have not been achieved. At this point of time, I still can't explain to myself satisfactorily for not having done so. I know I have not reached the point where I can tell myself very honestly that "This is the best I can do given my innate ability, the circumstances and the resources. I have pushed to the max and I will stop here now." Thus I want to go back and complete what I have set out to do ...
Do join me ...
___________________________________________________________________
It has been 2.5 years since I have left for the States and I have asked myself constantly what I have really achieved during this time. I have done a lot of things, but what exactly have I achieved?
I have also asked myself where I see myself in 5, 10 years' time. It is a question I really hate answering, esp during interviews ... I mean who the hell knows what would happen so many years down the road. But yet during the recent Strategic Thinking Paper session w Prof Tom K, he reaffirmed the facts that you create your own future and only you can decide if your choices will bring you happiness.
I thought about I want to achieve in the next 5, 10 years ... Earn $10k per month? Reach some really high up position somewhere? Own a car? A house? Find that special someone?
But where does my passion lie? What choices will bring me happiness? Eventually I came back to sports, to playing squash as one of the answers.
I have decided to continue this path for several reasons ...
1) Squash is fun. I really enjoy playing this game very much.
2) I want to be on a pursuit for excellence and do something really well. Squash is the chosen vehicle and I believe it is a worthwhile pursuit.
3) I have set certain targets previously, targets that have not been achieved. At this point of time, I still can't explain to myself satisfactorily for not having done so. I know I have not reached the point where I can tell myself very honestly that "This is the best I can do given my innate ability, the circumstances and the resources. I have pushed to the max and I will stop here now." Thus I want to go back and complete what I have set out to do ...
Do join me ...
Ithaka
Ithaka
Setting out on the voyage to Ithaka
You must pray the way be long,
Full of adventures and experiences.
The Laistrygonians, and the Kyklopes,
Angry Poseidon, don't be afraid of them:
You will never find such things on your way.
If only your thoughts be high, and a select
Emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians, the Kyklopes,
Poseidon raging - you will never meet them,
Unless you carry them with you in your soul,
If your soul does not raise them up before you.
You must pray that the way be long;
Many be the summer mornings
When with what pleasure, with what delight
You enter harbours never seen before;
At Phoenician trading stations you must stop,
And must acquire good merchandise,
Mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
And sensuous perfumes of every kind;
As much as you can get of the sensuous perfumes;
You must go to many cities of Egypt,
To learn and still to learn from those who know.
You must always have Ithaka in your mind,
Arrival there is your predestination.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better that it should last many years;
Be quite old when you anchor at the island,
Rich with all you have gained on the way,
Not expecting Ithaka to give you riches.
Ithaka has given you your lovely journey.
Without Ithaka you would not have set out.
Ithaka has no more to give you now.
Poor though you find it, Ithaka has not cheated you.
Wise as you have become, with all your experience,
You will have understood the meaning of an Ithaka.
Cavafy
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