yah, after putting in so much time and effort, sometimes I felt I was getting nowhere. We trained independently on our own with no support from the squash association or the sports council. We relied entirely on our own resources. While I was amongst the top few women players in Singapore, I was never considered a National player as I did not attend National training. I certainly did not care to be labeled as one. But the lack of transparency in the system irked me. There was hardly any local tournaments for senior players. There was no ladder system to establish a fair ranking of players in Singapore. And there was no open selections to choose the best to represent the country in international tournaments.
Since we are a meritocratic society, I would think there should be a fair system to establish the top players in Singapore, those who deserve the resources and those who should represent the State. But no. I know of some real lousy players who were under “national training” and actually represented Singapore just because they were favourites of a couple of coaches in favourable positions.
Such things just took energy and spirit away from the pursuit …
In early 2003, I stumbled upon the NOC program. The successful applicant would spend one year in the States (it had since then expanded to include more locations) working in a start-up company while studying part-time in the partner university. The program was very attractive and having chosen not to pursue an overseas education previously, I could not help but wonder what the experience would have been like. Plus, I wanted a break.
I applied for the program and eventually got a placement. My fourth year as a NUS student was spent in Philadelphia as an intern in StarCite, Inc and as a part-time student in the University of Pennsylvania. The program taught me a lot and most importantly, it affirmed how I should live my life.
Before going to US, I was leading a very disciplined and focused life. A typical day when in university would involve waking up by 7 am, doing my quiet time, packing breakfast from the com hall, training at Temasek Club, going for classes, training again in the evening and returning to hall only around 10 pm. I would then grab a shower, have my packed dinner which had been hanging on my door, do some work and hit the bed by midnight. I was directed and driven by a strong intent.
But when I was in the States, discipline in that same way was the last thing on my mind. On a regular basis, I would hit the bar at night, have a few rounds of beers and cheese fries, get home way past midnight and then go to work somnolent the next day. I would get by that day in a slumber but it was alright as I did not need to be that alert and clear in the head anyway. I also had numerous parties and gatherings at my place and hung out a lot at my friends’ place, just chatting, playing cards etc.
On some weekends, my friends and I would take a road trip somewhere. We would leave Philly on a late Friday night or early Saturday morning and return late Sunday night or even early Monday morning just before work. I had seen and experienced quite a lot on these travels. We played, ate and had lots of fun. I guess for once, I did what my friends did and led a “normal” life.
I did appreciate and enjoy that experience but at the end of one year, I had to ask myself what I had truly gained from this mode of operation …
The walk amongst entrepreneurs taught me one thing. Something worthwhile pursing takes hell lots of time, effort, commitment, passion and motivation. They take years to develop one product and build that one great company. They make many sacrifices to pursue their dreams and bring their ideas to fruition.
The same goes for a great athlete.
I spent my last weekend in US alone at Lake George, New York.
How do I want to live?
Where does my passion lie?
What do I really want to achieve?
What are the things most important to me?
I decided to continue the journey as a true Ithakan.
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